Toilets around the world pt56 – Hotel Christian IV, Copenhagen. Denmark

While Britain is still a member of the EU, your intrepid reviewer is exercising her right as an EU citizen to live, work and perform ablutions in 27 other EU counties. Prior to flying here on Easyjet (see Toilets Around the world pt14) your reviewer dined on ‘Special’ chilli chicken and broccoli. This combined with the countless cups of black coffee your reviewer has drunk since getting up at 0400 to catch a flight means that she is busting for a Michael Gove.
The toilets in this hotel have a spartan feel to them. Not Scandinavian minimalism, rather Hertfordshire County Council school building projects of the 1970s. Petrol blue linoleum carpets the floor and the sink is worn from age. The toilet is both low and low tech, but at least it is clean. Having had that large Michael Gove, your reviewer wipes her Boris with the kind of toilet paper that you used to find in pound shops, before Sterling devalued and it became too expensive for pound shops to stock. She then washes her hands on a bar of soap that lathers as easily as Jew baiting comes to Jeremy Corbyn. Your reviewer then goes off look at the headlines in a Danish newspaper and have a cry for her beloved country.

As reviewed by Donna Biggun

Toilets around the world pt55 – Gatwick Airport Arrivals area

The funny habits of Jonny Foreigner  (see previous post) left your reviewer home sick for the traditional British little boys room. Clearly, this sentiment was felt by most of the people on my flight, there was quite a queue to use this convenience. In the end, your reviewer had to sit on a still warm toilet seat, but at least this toilet had a seat. The rest of this visit passed much like the movement, i.e. unremarkably. It’s good to travel but even better to return.
As reviewed by Pepe Le Poo

Toilets around the world pt 54 – Marseilles Airport, France

Like many a man of a certain age, my bowels do not wake up until a certain time of day, even if I have been up for a while to catch a flight. For this reason, I find myself in Marseille international airport, past customs and in desperate need of releasing the hostages (as not taken by Marko from Trapoia).
The trip to the convenience does not start well, the mens room is being cleaned and I am advised to use the ladies conveniences. This fills me with dread, what if an actual lady is sitting on her lady throne next to me and I do something very unladylike next to her. What if my mother in law who is waiting downstairs uses this throne after I have boulliabaissed it. Eventually, I follow another man in to the toilets which despite frequent visits to Hampstead Heath is a first for me. To my horror, I discover that this toilet has no seat. Normally when a toilet has no seat, it is to people snorting drugs off it. One can only assume that the Marseilles drug refineries don’t want the smugglers snorting the merchandise before it hits the market and have bribed the powers to be to make this happen. Grateful that I have done some leg work in the gym, but stayed away from the humous, I squat over the bowl and get this out the was as quickly as possible. Quite possibly the worst toilet in the EU. 
As reviewed by Pepe Le Poo

Toilets around the world pt 53 – Caumont Center for Art, Aix en Provence, France

€14 Euros to see the exhibition, €4 to for an admittedly nice Viennese coffee. Will the toilets justify these high prices? The toilets are clean and are located next to a pretty ornamental garden. They are modern and well looked after though the toilet paper is not befitting of such a high brow establishment.
As reviewed by Pepe Le Poo

Toilets around the world pt52 – The new office, central London

Moving is an occupational hazard of the job, obviously we do not move offices while on the job as this would get messy!

The little boys room features dark wood panels and the kind of LED lighting that your reviewer recently fitted in his living room. It is around the same size as your reviewers bathroom at home. However, that home bathroom is not designed to have more than 1 person in it at once, this convenience apparently has space three. Both stalls are right next to each other and have no soundproofing. This means you can hear the bottom noises of the occupant of the convenience next door and they can hear yours. For a new boy in a big office, this is terrifying, suddenly you feel like an 11 year old in the sixth formers toilets. Terrified, your reviewer is forced to hold in the bottom burp he badly needs after baked beans and raisins for tea last night. 

Bottom burp eventually performed, your reviewer washes his hands with passable soap and dries them with a hand drier that emits cold powerful jets of air that are no different from drying your hands by taking your gloves off in Aberdeen in summer.

Not a nice experience

As reviewed by Walter Closet

Toilets around the (motoring) world pt3 – Jemca Toyota, Colondale.

A brightly lit convenience that is much needed after all the coffee and water the pleasant sales staff have been plying you with in the hope that you will buy one of the shiny and well made cars on the premises. 
There is a wet patch on the floor with a large sign next to it saying ‘cleaning in progress’. However, I could not see any cleaning in progress which lead me to question what else the staff here were fibbing about. Despite this, it was a pleasant if forgettable experience. The toilet in front is a Toyota.
As reviewed by 

Kia Wee’d

Toilets around the (motoring) world pt2 – A Nissan dealer near the M25

Thanks to a visit to another Japanese car manufacturers showroom, I arrived desperate to (searches for a car related analogy for having a wee) drain the sump. What greeted me in this convenice was the frightening sight of a large pubic hair on the toilet seat. Worse still, there was no toilet paper left to wipe it away so your reviewer was forced to use one of his own tissues to wipe it away. 
The sink was clean and the cheap feeling soap effective, but this is probably the worst toilet yet encountered in Western Europe.
If toilets sold cars, Nissan would be in trouble. Thankfully for Nissan they don’t. If you can not be bothered to read some half baked motoring review, all you need to know is that then Qashqai is a nice car.
As reviewed by James May I go to the toilet