Toilets around the world pt63 – A Technology Park in Shoham, Israel

The Silicon Wadi has finally produced a chilli sauce that this son of Northern England would call spicy. Having quenched the heat of the desert and the heat of the chilli with a Goldstar, a trip to the little yaladim’s room is in order.

The convenience is reasonably lit. I can see that it is kept clean as there is an an actual lady in the mens room cleaning it. Not wishing that lady sees me pass my judgement on, I make my exit.

As reviewed by Shay Rootayim.


Toilets Around the World pt62 – British airways Boeing 787 somewhere over the Greek islands

Upon opening the door of this toilet, one is greeted by pleasing ambient royal blue light. However, once the door is locked, the aforementioned ambient blue light is replaced by harsh normal light. This harsh light is pleasing as it enables your viewer to find and pop an errant whitehead, but less pleasing as your reviewer can now see the mess the previous user left this convenience in. With the sounds of the person in the next cubicle emptying their bowels all too audible, your reviewer cleans the convenience, hoping there is enough toilet paper for them to wipe their undercarriage after dirty bombing the Greek Islands below. Some time later, your reviewer is finally ready to let the contents of his bowels begin their final decent, only to discover the toilet seat will not hold steady against the wall.

The toilet of the Dreamliner, is neither a good dream not a bad one. Rather it's the weird dream you have when your body is telling you that you need to empty your bowels as soon as you wake up. At least the soap was good.

As reviewed by Sir Frank Widdle
(Aviation correspondent)

Toilets around the world pt61 – The Golden Heart, East London

In find myself on the Commercial Road in East London, the home of Cockney Rhyming Slang. Unsurprisingly in a field of wheat with a name like this, I need to do business, but it is the business that you do after a couple of bottles of  Pigs Ear, rather than a more traditional East End business such as selling jellied eels, extortion or killing prostitutes.
Herein presents a dilemma, at the back of the rub a dub are two Bobby Moore’s, neither with any sign on them. Unsure which Bobby Moore to enter, I choose the one on the left, thankfully this is is the little boys room.

I am greeted by a turquoise lavatory, a turquoise sink, turquoise urinals and turquoise soap. It’s as if the hipsters have decided that the horrid bathroom that put us off making an offer on a flat a few years ago, is now cool (note that many things that Mr & Mrs Closet think are horrid are cool). I see all this, as there is no extra privacy door meaning that a confused lady in need of a lady wee may walk in on you emptying your bowels.

Later in the evening, I discover this is a common occurrence in this part of the world, the hipsters clearly have a fetish for watching people have a private moment. Not having a beard, a desire to drink anything out of a jar, or have my work colleagues see me on the lavatory, I do my dairlylea quickly and leave.

As reviewed by Walter Closet.

Toilets around the world pt60 – Daisy’s in the Park, Radlett. Herts

I find myself in Radlett, once a quiet farming village, now an upmarket commuter town and chance upon Daisy’s in the Park as a convenient family friendly looking place for lunch. My beef brisket sandwich had too much brown sauce and my daughters fish finger sandwich is greasy. At least the Fanta is good.

Half an hour later, I am driving home and my belly is digesting my sandwich, when the enormity of my actions dawns on me. My god, I have taken my family to eat in a decommissioned public toilet. The last time I was in here, a tramp had just done a no2 on the floor! What kind of human am I? I am a bad bad bad man, I need to be flogged in public, I took my children to a public toilet to eat.
As reviewed by Spen Dapenney

Toilets around the world pt59 – London Zoo

One hot afternoon in London Zoo, I found myself in need of the loo

Between the monkeys and the insects I found a convenience for a no1 or no2, (which fortunately for the animals they could not view).

The urinal was clean, the floors were too. The bathroom was a credit to the cleaning crew.

The sink was clean, the soap was blue, I quietly did what I had to do.

Then I went to see an emu

As reviewed by Walter Closet
With special thanks to the magnificent Judith Kerr

Toilets around the world pt58- My toilet, somewhere in London

I am resting my bottom on my very own throne. The frosted glass windows let the sunlight in but prevent my chronically nosey neighbours from peering in when I am dropping the kids at the pool. The bathroom is well lit with LED lights that enable me to read the catalogue. However, as this toilet has a good WiFi signal, I am surfing the internet.

After a pleasant movement, I wipe my marginally skinnier bottom (thank you, how about a freebie pair of Asics) on Tescos Luxury Soft white toilet paper, a mid range toilet paper that fits in well with this mid range part of London.

I then wash my hands with moisturised soap in a square sink, using a square combination tap. To dry my hands I use a towel from the square towel rail with round valves and exit the room; to return to my day.

A pleasant experience, well worth the 6k to get to this moment.

As reviewed by Walter Closet


With thanks to Builders Depot, Tile Depot, my brother in law Jonny, Sky Broadband, and of course Justin the builder

Toilets around the world pt57 – A water works in the West Midlands

This job to all the finest places, New York, Paris and the West Midlands to name but three. The citizens of this part of the world use recycled rain water to flush their toilets, a nice eco friendly touch. The lavatory bowl is larger than a Londoner is used to. This is not because West Midlanders have derrières the size of Mid Westerners, but because like everything else outside London, you get more for your money.
Unlike Monopoly, I didn’t have to pay £75 for this visit to the water works.
As reviewed by Loo Reed