Toilets around the world goes west pt11 – Welcome to America (again)

The toilet door is far too high, anyone walking past would be able to see you voting for a president. The toilet bowl is far too low and the amount of water in the bowl makes a average European think this toilet is blocked. However, after spending 90 minutes in a queue at US Immigration, anywhere will do!

As reviewed by Donald Trumping


Toilets around the world goes west – pt7, Macys, New York City

My travels around this land have convinced me that the natives don’t use toilets as much as their British ancestors. Maybe they hold it in, perhaps they are wearing incontinence pants, maybe they go behind a bush.
The vast Macy’s in New York has only one little boys room, this is all the way up on the 7th floor. When you get there you discover it is hot, humid and you have to queue. Not nice, but a price worth paying for a cheap pair of Levis.
As reviewed by Donald Trumping

Toilets around the world goes west – pt6, Hilton Manhattan East, New York 

A reassuringly familiar Hilton style toilet, clean if small. The only difference between a Hilton bathroom here and in the old world is the toilet bowl it’s self. European toilets are relatively high and have a small ammount of water in the bottom. US toilets are lower, wider and for a European have a disconcerting amount of water in the bowl. At first, the European traveller is worried about splashback, however I can report this concern is unfounded. While the shallow bowl does nearly eliminate the risk of pebble dashing when voting for a president, one can’t help feeling that one is a little too close to ones bangers and mash.

Overall, the great American Toilet is not an unpleasant experience, different flushes for different tushes sums it up.

As reviewed by Donald Trumping

Toilets around the world goes West – pt4, the Jersey Shore Outlet Mall, New Jersey

Toilets around the world goes west – pt4, the Jersey Shore Outlet Mall, New Jersey
The vast Jersey Shore Outlet mall only has one toilet, this is down a long corridor past the ‘food’ court. On paper this should be a scandal but

1, Only one shop in the entire mall serves coffee (The Lindt chocolate shop, they give you a sweetie with your coffee which is nice)

2, Even a starving Ethiopian would not eat the food served in court food in the US, if you don’t believe me, breathe in the smells coming from the ‘Chinese’ food

This toilet is fit for purpose, nothing more.

As reviewed by Donald Trumping

Toilets around the World goes West – Pt2, Newark Airport arrivals area

I am one of those people for whom a long haul flight results in a buildup of digestive gasses. As result, I was keen to find a little boys room as soon as I had cleared US immigration and their ever friendly officials. Sadly the toilets of Newark Airport are much like the city of Elizabeth next door to it i.e. a horrible place nobody should go. Broken doors, blocked bowls and a terrible smell. These may have been familiar sights and smells to my ancestors when they arrived at Ellis Island, so it’s good to know that the first sight and smell the modern traveller gets on arrival in this great nation are authentic.

As reviewed by Donald Trumping

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