Toilets around the world pt58- My toilet, somewhere in London

I am resting my bottom on my very own throne. The frosted glass windows let the sunlight in but prevent my chronically nosey neighbours from peering in when I am dropping the kids at the pool. The bathroom is well lit with LED lights that enable me to read the Sportsshoes.com catalogue. However, as this toilet has a good WiFi signal, I am surfing the internet.

After a pleasant movement, I wipe my marginally skinnier bottom (thank you Sportsshoes.com, how about a freebie pair of Asics) on Tescos Luxury Soft white toilet paper, a mid range toilet paper that fits in well with this mid range part of London.

I then wash my hands with moisturised soap in a square sink, using a square combination tap. To dry my hands I use a towel from the square towel rail with round valves and exit the room; to return to my day.

A pleasant experience, well worth the 6k to get to this moment.

As reviewed by Walter Closet

 


With thanks to Builders Depot, Tile Depot, my brother in law Jonny, Sky Broadband, Soak.com and of course Justin the builder

Toilets around the world pt45 – Costa Coffee, Potters Bar

While having a coffee with a friend, he decides to use the lavatory. On his return, he remarks that he pulled the emergency assistance cord in error. Needing to spend a penny I also pop the convenience. Like my friend, I make the mistake of pulling the emergency assistance cord. What happens now? Nothing at all!

Should I ever need emergency assistance in the future I shall call the AA instead.

As reviewed by Golda Water

Toilets around the world pt44 – Tesco Superstore Brent Cross, London

One smells this toilet well before one has even opened the door, there is a strong (but not overpowering) smell of bleach from the companies value range that permeates even the corridor leading to the toilet. A quick inspection of the facilities shows a well lit and clean facility which scores points for being decked out in Tesco colours and being ‘on brand’. While syphoning the python in the urinal, your reviewer cannot help but notice a mysterious brown stain under the urinal next to his. Is this rust or something more sinister.

While washing his hands with functional rather than luxurious soap, your reviewer also notices a condom machine in this toilet? Why would one buy condoms from a supermarket toilet when one can buy such items in aisle no17 next to the paracetamol? Moreover, why would one have a sudden need for contraception in a supermarket toilet? Still puzzled, your reviewer dries his hands and leaves.

As reviewed by

Uri Noir
(Dutch correspondant)

Toilets around the world pt43 – No5 Chancery Lane, London

The first thing you notice about these toilets is the upmarket lavender scented soap and hand cream. This part of London is full of lawyers so one can only conclude that lawyers have delicate little hands.

Inside the cubicle, one is greeted with a sign that says ‘please leave these toilets in the state you would expect to find them‘. On performing a precautionary flush, I discover that the bowl in my cubicle is blocked. After the troubles of the last few days, perhaps this is the state in which I should expect to find the office toilet.

As reviewed by Sal Erni

Toilets of the world pt42 – Cafe Nero, Brent Cross. London

Forced to work from a coffee shop due to the office server room being flooded by a lady apparently doing a u-blocker in the ladies powder room above, I find myself at Cafe Nero. Two double espressos later I am in need of a visit to the men’s conveniences so make my way there. On arrival I find both urinals covered in out of order signs, leading me to conclude that the coffee served in this establishment is strong stuff.

As reviewed by Gabi Netto

Toilets aroud the world pt41 – Facebook Facebook SME Bootcamp, The City of London, London

FB SME ToiletsThis review very nearly did not take place. At Toilets around the world, we strongly believe that if you have nothing to say, don’t say it and frankly it is in nobodies interest to read a review of a very ordinary toilet at a nicer than average venue in London. It was only on the way in to the toilet that even thinking of a review made sense, see photo.

In a split second, it became clear what Facebook and indeed social media are about. Social Media is about vanity, pure and simple. Anything that Mark Zuckerberg (Zuckers), Martha Lane Fox (Laners Foxers) or Jack Dorsey (Dorsers) will tell you, about connectivity, personalisation or such like is just guff. Social Media is all look at me and the expensive beach holiday, girlfriend, car I have, don’t get me started on that ‘It’s been a great year’ toss that was inflicted on us at the end of 2014. Nowhere is proof that social media is all about vanity more true than the fact that Facebook stick their own signs on the toilet door.

As reviewed by Mark Zuckerbog

Toilets around the world pt40 – Met Su Yan, Edgware. London

Over the weekend, your reviewers better half turned 40. What better way to celebrate this fact than to go out with friends for  a Chinese meal and deposit the 40th entry to the only travel blog worth reading, namely Toilets Around the World.

Aided by a couple of bottles of Singaporean beer, your reviewer popped to the men’s room to drain the lizard*. After a pleasant experience in a well lit and clean room, your reviewer was confronted by a tap that baffled him. Traditional taps require a turn of a handle, modern taps a push of a button. This tap would have baffled a famous safe cracker, such was the difficulty in working out the mechanism.

As reviewed by Xaime Riddle

*Euphemism, Met Su Yan do not serve lizard or serve food to lizards